Every child manifests the creator within - they play their imaginary games with their imaginary friends almost from the moment they are born - and yet, by the time we are adults we have lost that urge to create through criticism, trauma, practicality or some other form of socialisation.
Today's guest post author, Matthew Riffe, outlines his journey back to his creator within. Enjoy!
Artist, Magician, Scientist - The Creator Within
Every person is born with an artist, a magician and a scientist within, but as we grow older, we lose pieces of each because of fear and conformity. The ones who are able to overcome the fear and conformity often are the writers, painters, and scientist whom history has been written about or was written by.
I did not choose to write, rather was found by writing. My first experience being found by writing happened in the 2nd grade when I wrote a poem so skilled I was accused of plagiarism by my parents. I did not plagiarism, the idea of the poem started with the words, “Amid the sunlit grass clips, the katydid hid.” I don’t remember much more of the poem but do remember a feeling of accomplishment for the accusations and felt that I had a natural talent.
Maybe this is the reason I never really have considered myself a writer but a wordsmith. Most the piece I have composed start out as a few words which I find the combination awe-inspiring and joyful to say and here. I typically will spend the next few hours, days, or weeks, trying to find the right combination of words until my idea is realized. None of my pieces are ever finished works, instead works in progress put away so other ideas I may play with before they are lost.
I was somewhat lost as a child. I am my father’s only kid and mother’s third. Both my brother and sister were raised by their father because my mother had a few screws loose. My first and last memory of my mother was suicide, the first attempt happen when I was two maybe three, and the last being a successful attempt a day before my birthday. I think the circumstances in which I grew up in may have caused a desire for solitude and isolation.
In the seclusion, I was able to grab a control of my emotions and attach certain sentiments to the sensations. I had been made numb by parent’s alcoholism, drug addiction, and general chaos but through my writing I was able to convey the sadness and lack of affection. I imagine many writers tend to be individuals who enjoy solitude, escaping to their own thoughts and not being consumed by others' drama.
I have found that the less I write, the more tragedy seems to come about in my life and is more difficult to escape. Writing has always been my escape and way to getaway from life’s problems and be not concerned with finding a solution to the dilemmas. I have always written but took a short two year hiatus while I was I was in the Army. The conformity and inability to articulate and express myself had taken a toll. I was drinking a bunch until I enrolled in college to break up the monotony and repetition. In college I began to rediscover my love for words.
College also helped rediscover my love for poetry. I was in a research methods class and the rigors and exactness of scientific writing had taken my love of words away. I turn to poetry as an escape to the rigidity and inflexibility of American Psychology Association standard. If I had to write in a style that every aspect was dictated, then I would write in a style where the only thing that matter was the words, which help to create my degenerate form of poetry.
My background is important to understand my motives as a writer because it gives the reasoning in which I began to create. If I had not been down the road I have traveled, I do not know if I would have been found by writing. Something had to create the spark, and I believe I was found by writing to escape confusion, commotion, and conformity. The reason others have found my writing is I was able to abandon the fear of rejection. If I was more fearful maybe my words would never be seen or heard but I was able to overcome the biggest fear, which is fear itself. Once I was able to sweep away fear, I began to see more confidence in my writing and more willing to share my enter most thoughts and ideas.
How did you find your way back to the creator within? Share your thoughts in the comments below - and if you liked this post, please share with your friends, using the handy buttons!